Brain Sex: How Many Lives Will You Live?
By Erica | September 1, 2010
image: ♥
Right now, I’m 99% sure that whatever I’m going to write will be crap.
I’m sitting at my keyboard, listening to my Bassnectar Pandora station, sucking on a butterscotch (seriously! I don’t know how I forgot this simple pleasure from childhood!) and working on The Printed Blog, a project that I’m ecstatic about & wholeheartedly believe in. (In fact, it’s existence has motivated me to clean up my content around here. Not in a I-Can’t-Say-Fuck way, but in a I-Better-Write-Some-Good-Shit way).
So it kinda makes me sad that I’m hating on my writing right now.
But even though I’m a little down & out because I can’t harness my creative chi the way I’d like–I’m also fully aware that I’m so lucky to be living my life right now. There are people without money, without food, without shelter–and here I am, sucking on a damn butterscotch and getting paid to read blogs.
What’s totally priceless about this is that the ‘Old Me’ would never have viewed the world through the gorgeous rose-colored shades I’m sporting. The ‘Old Me’ would focus on the fact that I haven’t showered today, or that I’m still in my yoga pants or that the butterscotch – however delicious – is going to rot my teeth. (Which, honestly, at this point I don’t care. Too good!)
I realize that I’m not only thinking differently about my life, I’m living a whole new one. Fresh. Ripe. Untainted. State-of-the-art. Sharp & sparkling & invigorating.
Yes, some of my circumstances are the same as they’ve always been (I’m living with my parents). But this time period in my life just feels different. Almost as if the other ‘times in my life’ didn’t exist.
My mom and I had a conversation about this the other day. We were watching a movie together (a rare occurrence, but a special one). The movie, The Box, was – pardon my French – fucking awful. I’m not the best movie-watcher anyway, but I literally struggled to keep my heavy eyelids open.
The movie sucked but the soundtrack did not. During one scene, the couple in the movie was at a party and the Marshall Tucker Band song “Can’t You See” started playing in the background. My mom and I both looked at each other. She said, “God. This song reminds me of Joe. This song reminds me of another lifetime.” (Quick story: Joe was my mom’s first husband who she helped through dialysis. After 10 years, he cheated on her & left her for another woman. He died a few years later.)
I know that just-punched-in-the-stomach feeling all too well. The same song reminds me of an ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with a mutual acquaintance. We played it incessantly the spring & summer we dated, laying in my hot, sticky un-airconditioned room for hours, reciting all the promises that young lovers are notorious for making And although the first few notes of the song used to make me keel over with sadness & basically fall apart, I knew exactly what my mom meant. This time, It felt distant. Remote. Like that young, big-hearted, naive girl who desperately wanted love and chased after it like a wounded puppy chases it’s abusive owner, was somewhere–and someone–else.
I realized how far I had climbed. I’m not that girl anymore. I’m not living that desperate, attention-seeking, people-pleasing life anymore. I realize that now, I’m doing things for me. I stick up for myself. Respect my body. Honor my strengths & accept my weaknesses. Only do what feels right & true & authentic. For me. And no one else.
So I think the lesson here is this: When you’re totally immersed in one life, you sometimes forget that others can exist. This is wonderful if the life you’re living is as sweet as mine is right now–but it can be a serious nightmare if your current sitch isn’t the greatest.
Remember that life should not be–and is not–stagnate. Even people who absolutely abhor change will have to go through it. You have no choice but to deal with what comes your way.
For those of you looking for a way out, I hope you find this comforting. No, the scars don’t vanish, but they do wane. They do heal. And no matter how many you have, you can choose to move on. You can choose to live a new life or you can wait for it to happen. But either way, it comes.
How many lifetimes have you lived? I’m only on my second, but I’m almost positive it is not my last.
Topics: Brain Sex | 3 Comments »
Bloggers, Say Hello to Your New BFF: The Printed Blog
By Erica | August 30, 2010
Voracious Vixens! I’m not going to bore you with needless apologies about my lack of blogging lately (though I do, sincerely, apologize). Instead, I’m going to jump right into telling you why I haven’t been around.
The Printed Blog has captured my heart–and my time.
So like, WTF is The Printed Blog? It might sound a bit backwards at first, but hear me out: It’s a weekly print publication featuring the best blogs and photography from the web. Every week, a panel of guest editors (including some hot names like Brittany Snow and Sara Paxton) will review all the blogs in The Printed Blog Bloggers Network for fresh content to publish. What is the network, you ask? Well, let me preface by saying that yours truly working as the Blog Relations Manager at The Printed Blog - which means I’m kinda the empress of the network. Like, I’ll let you know if you’re in or out. Like, I’ll send you updates. Like, I am the network (Not really, we have an amazing team working on all of this. But it sure does make me feel important to write that…)
So, because I truly appreciate all of my lovely readers (& because I know a lot of you are kick-ass bloggers), I decided to come to you with this opportunity first. In the next week or so, this promotion will go live on Ed2010 and mediabistro and the like, but right now, it’s kinda hush-hush. But since you guys are like my own personal network of bloggers, I wanted you to have the opportunity to submit your blog to the network first!
If the idea of TPB intrigues you, please do submit your blog. And then, Tweet/Facebook/Digg/MySpace (does anybody even use that anymore?) the shit out of it. Tell everyone you know. Because, here’s the catch = The Printed Blog pays bloggers for every piece we publish. How, you ask? Based on the number of subscribers. Basically, when you subscribe to TPB, you are directly funding the bloggers & photographers featured inside. You’re also supporting me, because at this point this gig is paying my billz!
TPB is all about the bloggers, man.
So, here’s your To-Do List:
1. E-mail me (erica@theprintedblog.com) with your URL.
2. Wait for me to reply. I know, that sucks. But, in the meantime…
3. Subscribe to The Printed Blog! Follow us on Twitter! “Like” us on Facebook!
4. Add the network badge to your page (after I send it to you in a timely manner) so your readers can vote you in.
5. Be super excited & elated when your best blogs end up in print!
Thanks so much for always supporting me. It means so much. If you have any questions (or if you’d like to be a guest editor for TPB), just shoot me an e-mail (erica@theprintedblog.com).
With so much love,
Topics: Inspiration | 1 Comment »
The Unhappily Uninspired Writer’s Guide to Kick Starting Creativity (& Gaining Back Creative Confidence!)
By Erica | August 28, 2010
In this “Information Age,” we can devour all kinds of different creative media. We can scour the web for new photographers, research the latest in emerging fashion designers, see an artist’s work before it ever hits a gallery and read our favorite writer’s blog in between books just to get a taste of their every day lives.
With all this information at our ever-so-restless fingertips , it’s easy to feel overloaded. Forcing too much “creative inspiration” into our minds can have the opposite affect we were searching for. Sometimes it puts out our fire.
But momentarily losing your motivation to do that thang you do isn’t the end of the world. Every creative individual experiences it from time to time–& they all bounce back, too. How, you ask? Here’s some ideas for getting your groove back:
Imitate. Let’s face it: Every writer is a copy cat, in one way or another. There’s no such thing as a totally original, completely unique piece of writing. There are limited words in the English language. There are limited formations of sentences. “Creative imitation”–as I’ve dubbed it–not only exists, but it is also a natural part of what it means to be a creative person. Try to do something like one of your idols. Check out books from your favorite author. Try to re-create the design, texture or style of an artist you admire. Inevitably, you’ll end up adding your own flavor to whatever you’re creating–& learning what does and doesn’t work for you.
Make a Pandora station for a band you’ve never listened to.
Change your medium. This is one piece of tried-and-true advice that I swear by. Expressing myself with words (those things I claim to love oh-so-much!) sometimes gets stale. But, if I do something different–like design a website, make a collage or try my hand at GarageBand– I usually get a little flow going & before I know it, I feel inspired again!
Drink a glass of wine. A nerve-soothing glass of wine works like a charm to inspire creativity. Alcohol lowers your inhibitions just enough to free your mind of some of those nasty, negative perfectionist thoughts. In turn, it allows your ideas to flow more naturally. Plus, it’s turns off (or at the very least, turns down the volume!) of that little nagging, scrutinizing, shitty voice in your head that tells you’re no good at whatever you’re doing.
Just DO Something. Get up. Get active. (Read my latest Brain Sex column where I talk about the benefits of just doing it-no matter what it is.)
Read someone’s private diary. Anais Nin, Anne Frank, and even strangers on Xanga or Livejournal have provided me with lots of creative fuel.
Abandon your original plan. If something just isn’t working, don’t be afraid to abandon ship. Search Wikipedia about subject that has absolutely nothing to do with what you’re working on (or eh, want to work on), but has always made you perk up & listen more intently when it’s brought up in conversation. Watch a movie from your past that made you feel like life was magical (you know those, right? Like Peter Pan or The Little Princess?), or rent one you’ve always wanted to see (suggestions: Factory Girl, White Oleander & Girl, Interrupted always get my mind moving).
Pick an emotion you’re not currently feeling– & pull it into your work.
Obsess, obsess, obsess. Immerse yourself in whatever subject lights your heart up & makes you forget about all your other responsibilities. When I was a teenager, I had a few very intense interests–& that’s it. Consequently, my writing, dress and personality completely reflected these obsessions. I wrote like the love child of my idols, FLB, C. Love & Sylvia, seamlessly blending their styles into a voice partly my own (case-in-point, my Xanga from back then). I incorporated elements of all my quirky interests into my daily activities (practicing magick spells, writing poetry by candle light, hanging out with junkies). Although I don’t advocate the last part, I think it’s really fun to be obsessed with something, as long as it’s not going to get your hurt (like those 13-year-old girls who fight on message boards about who is going to marry Justin Bieber. Don’t lie, you know what I mean.) Productive obsession, like immersing yourself in writing for an entire evening, is actually good for you.
Make peace with your inner demons.
But don’t believe the hype that all creative types are manic, depressive or just plain insane. I wrote a post, Where’s the Beauty in Burning Out? which touched on this absolutely ridiculous notion that all writers, artists & thinkers are (or need to be) locked up in asylums somewhere. Not true, not true at all! (Though I will admit, I do think creatives are a little weirder than the average human, but in a totally intriguing way. Whenever I meet someone who is doing something creative, I instantly know that what I see is not necessarily what I get with them.)
Spend some quality time alone. The #1 habit of all creative people, according to Leo Babuata at zen habits, is solitude.
Stop worrying about whether others will “get it” — instead, aim to make them think. They don’t have to “get” it for it to be good writing. Sometimes, my favorite writing is absolutely a mess (House of Leaves by Daniel Z. Danielewski, anyone?), but it’s that reckless messiness that makes it so textured & fun to read. All my journalism classes stressed the importance of simplicity–& yes, if you’re writing the front page story for a newspaper, you better make sense. But if you’re writing (or drawing/sculpting/jewelry-making/glass-blowing/collaging/designing outfits for mythical mermaids), mix it up a little. Throw in something that will totally confuse the hell out of your audience–& feel the creative juices start to pour in.
Drink more water, take your vitamins & get a pedicure. Nourish your body & relax.
Dig into your old love notes. I can’t speak for everyone, but I know I’ve been my most passionate/creative when I was in the midst of a deep love affair. I think it might have something to do with the obsession thing–it’s been proven that love alters brain activity. Essentially, we’re all a little Crazy in Love.
People watch. We’re all so strange & diverse–and so much fun to watch. My old creative writing teacher told us to go sit in a crowded area with a notebook & pick an interesting looking character from the crowd & write a story either from their point of view or about them. Get out of yourself & your experiences for a little bit & explore what it might be like in someone else’s shoes.
Unplug. Several years ago, I read a lot more books, newspapers & other print materials. I was constantly immersed in the works of Francesca Lia Block, viewing the art of Dali & listening to whatever records I could find in my parent’s basement, along with whatever vapid, awful music was on the radio. It’s really creatively stimulating to “get back to basics” – print newspapers, books, magazines, records – you name it.
Drink a Soy Frappucinno. Or your fave caffeinated drink. Caffeine, in small doses, has been proven to spark creativity. My Drugs & Behavior professor (yes, we actually had that class!) said that humans do perform at higher levels on some caffeine, but that if too much is consumed, we actually perform worse than we would without it–so be careful with this one!
What ways do you sugar plums get the inspiration to do what you do?
P.S. Expect another post from me tonight or tomorrow about another project I’m involved in–The Printed Blog. Bloggers should definitely check back for this super exciting announcement!
Topics: Inspiration | 5 Comments »
A Little Story about Man’s Best Friend
By Erica | August 23, 2010
We adopted Libby, our part beagle, part husky mix, on the 4th of July. Her full name is actually Liberty, in honor of that fact. ‘Libby’ was just a natural progression–and, as my parents said, easier to yell.
Libby wasn’t a bad puppy, but she definitely had her flaws. We enrolled her in puppy obedience school soon after we bought her. She failed out and we got our money back. Apparently, the only command she would respond to was “Sit”–and only half the time at best.
But she was adorable. And loving. So we kept her & decided we’d make it work, puppy school diploma or no puppy school diploma. Obviously, we grew to love her because she’s still here, sitting next to me as I write this.
It hasn’t been an easy road with Libby, though. Our relationship wasn’t always as peaceful as it is now. Even though I was the one who picked her out at the animal shelter (because she has blue eyes–like me!), I think she always favored my brother more. Probably because he’s younger & actually had the energy to play with her, while I just got angry when she jumped on me & scratched my legs with her nails, sometimes to the point of bleeding, before I went out with friends.
Plus, Libby has separation anxiety. If someone even picks up their purse to move it, or bends down to tie a shoe, she goes nuts. She just doesn’t take it very well. And when I left for college, she let me know it. She spent the entire morning howling at me, warning me that if I left her there, she’d never forgive me.
And for years she didn’t.
When I came home during winter or spring break, Libby acted like I was a stranger. She gave me the cold shoulder. She didn’t even jump on me when I came through the door. I started to realize that maybe, she did remember, and she wasn’t kidding that morning before I left for college.
Even though I was heartbroken that my dog was essentially acting like I didn’t exist, I was almost flattered. The fact that she was so hurt by my absence made me think that maybe she had liked me a little more than I thought. Maybe my brother wasn’t her favorite after all. Maybe she valued the time we spent, curled up on my mom’s couch (& totally against her rules), me stroking her thick fur. Maybe that was just as important to her as the games of fetch and frisbee with my brother.
It’s been five years since I’ve lived in the same house with Libby. She, inevitably, has grown. She is also much older looking than I remember her being before I moved away. It almost scared me the first time I saw her climb our stairs: She slowly and deliberately takes one small step at a time, making sure her footing is strong before she tries to move on. Her fur has even started to grey. I was barely 11 when my first dog, Cody, died. Although my memories of him are dim, I do remember the greying fur. Not too long before he died.
Now that Libby & I are sharing living space again, she’s started to open up to me. It started with coming to me to ask (howl) for food (always a sign that she loves & trusts you). Then, she started wanting to watch movies with me and my boyfriend on the couch (& we let her, much to my mother’s dismay).
Now she sleeps with me. Every night.
But there’s a catch: She can’t make it on to my bed without my help. She can get her front paws onto the mattress, but she waits now, patiently, for me to hoist her back legs up for her. Then, she nestles into her favorite spot at the end of the bed, always leaving enough room for me to comfortably stretch out. Then we sleep & don’t see each other again until morning.
I can’t say what is really going on in Libby’s mind. But I think that her allowing me to move her into my bed–therefore, giving up some of her power–is not only a sign of aging, but also a sign that she forgives me.
Yes, our relationship is very different now. She isn’t as loud, so I don’t yell at her to quiet down as often. She doesn’t jump on me when I sneak in through the front door late at night (this is because she’s sleeping in the hallway outside my room, waiting). She has more respect for me, and I, her.
My relationship with Libby seemed to show a pattern that most relationships do. People get used to each other, fall into routines & ‘expect’ the other to act a certain way. Then, eventually, because this is just the way life works, one or the other starts to change–& the other half doesn’t get it. We like people for who they are, and when they start to make changes–even positive ones, like not smoking or cutting out meat–those of us watching from the sidelines sometimes feel confused and hurt by these changes. Some people really don’t jive well when the tides start to rock the boat a little.
This was most likely the case with Libby. She didn’t want me to go away to college. She expected me to be in her life, as I had been since 2 months after she was born. She was hurt by my changes-my decision to move away-so she ignored me. She didn’t want me in her life at that point. (I hope it wasn’t ’cause she forgot about me. I was the one who picked her out, after all.)
But eventually, Libby got over it. She, herself, had made some changes, too–& maybe that’s what enabled her to see that it’s not always a bad thing. It’s just inevitable. It’s just life.
Now, I think we’re both happy in this new relationship. Through both of our changes, we’ve somehow come together again & are actually stronger because of it. Sometimes it works out that way with people, too. Sometimes, the other person (whether it be a friend, family member, lover or even a co-worker) can accept when someone changes, or when things don’t always go there way.
Sometimes they can’t.
I was lucky that Libby fell into the former category. She was stung, but she wasn’t done with me forever. She just needed to come around on her own time.
Maybe there really is a reason why dogs are considered man’s best friend. Because they love. Because they’re so loyal they will ignore you for five years if you don’t return their loyalty. And because they forgive.
Topics: Inspiration, Lifestyle | 2 Comments »
40 Ways to Love Your Body
By Erica | August 19, 2010
I’m going to be honest with you all because I truly cherish the fact that you come here & read all this crazy stuff I write, and also because I hope that in sharing my own little truth bombs, you might be able to connect with my stories in some way–& maybe find a new perspective. So, truth #1: Getting over all that body drama hasn’t been easy. I’ve been trying, but with the numbers on the scale rising–and my patience with my workout routine dwindling–I’m a little frustrated. For me, the older I get, the harder it is for me to love my body the way it is. As you age, your body is constantly changing (read: aging & gaining weight!)–& although that’s cool & natural & awesome–it’s also scary. Like, makes life a little too real. Like, makes me realize there is really no going back. Ah.
Anyway, I woke up to this text from my boyfriend: “You really need to stop hating your body. I think you’re beautiful.” And then it hit me. I’m not even really trying not to hate on my body anymore. I’ve given up. I’ve started to spew hate at my body like a fire-breathing, self-esteem killing dragon. But, darlings, I am by no means a quitter–so I have decided to compile this list, for you and for me, with some ideas for inspiration about more ways we can love our bodies. Please share this post with anyone you think could benefit from a little self-lovin’. Enjoy!
1. Only engage in sexual acts that make you feel good about yourself.
2. Wear clothes that fit you & make you feel comfortable.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Write Post-It’s that say “Lookin’ good today, Mama” (or your own phrase of choice) & stick them around your house.
5. Focus on the beauty around you. It will help you to more easily find the beauty in yourself, guaranteed.
6. Recall & replay a time in your mind when you felt good about your body. Do this often.
7. Drink water.
8. Don’t exercise to lose weight. Exercise to feel strong.
9. Then, when you’re in a shitty emotional situation, you can remind yourself of your obvious strength. If you can tackle physical challenges (i.e. that extra 10 reps!), you can handle emotional challenges, too.
10. Make a date with your body for at least 10 minutes a day. Do something nice for it: Take a relaxing bath, scrub that old dead skin off your feet or simply admire it in the mirror.
11. Write these dates down in your planner. Make a commitment!
12. Make love with someone you trust. They obviously love your body, why shouldn’t you?
13. Swear off women’s magazines (or whatever you look at & say “OMG-look-at-her-she’s-so-[insert adjective here]“) for one week. Comparisons = poison for your self esteem.
14. Switch focus in your gratitude journal to your body on the days you’re feeling down about it. Forcing yourself to think about 5-10 of your hottest, sexiest, most jaw-dropping characteristics once or twice a week will eventually flip a switch in your brain to search for the good things about your body, not the bad.
15. Just decide to do it.
16. Remember that health is what’s important. And healthy bodies come in a variety of shapes, sizes & thicknesses.
17. Know you’re not alone in feeling insecure about your body. Research states that 80 percent of American women are not satisfied with their bodies. I think that definitely signals that something is backwards in our society.
18. Imagine what you’d say to your little sister/cousin/niece if she said awful things about her own body–& remind yourself that you should treat yourself just as well as the ones you love!
19. Stop hyper-focusing on one specific body part. Trust me, getting rid of that extra inch on your hips will not solve all life’s problems. Work on changing your thoughts about your body first.
20. If you feel insecure about aging, remember how many sexy older women are out there. I’m sure you have some in your own life. But if you don’t, these sexy starlets are still bangin’ at 40+: Naomi Watts, Demi Moore, Halle Berry, Courtney Cox. Ow ow! (P.S. This study reveals the age men find women most attractive. You’ll be surprised!)
21. Enjoy your body. I absolutely love yoga. It feels so amazing to open, relax & stretch muscles. I often surprise myself with my own flexibility–& that’s so empowering.
22. Remember that advertisers want you to feel insecure so you will buy their products. They literally make money on your weaknesses–don’t give anyone that power.
23. Accept compliments graciously.
24. Take a look at the people around you. Nobody looks like the people on T.V. This is because, essentially, celebrities pay for those perfect bodies, sun-kissed thighs & a lot of them have personal hair stylists & makeup artists. When those celebs go out without makeup? They end up all over the front pages of tabloids because they look just like–or worse–than everybody else!
25. Eat a healthy diet. Nourish your body with the things it craves. You can’t feed it crap & expect it to look and function like it should–so make the effort!
26. Your body is not you. Remember this. Who you are is inside.
27. But, it doesn’t hurt to try to align the way you feel in your mind with the way you look. If you “feel” you aren’t as healthy as you could be or would like to be, start slowly working to get there.
28. Work with what nature gave you, not against it. If you have naturally wavy/curly/pin straight hair, rock it. Somebody out there is totally jealous they don’t have your hair type.
29. Create a list of all the wonderful, thrilling things you can do with your body. Seeing it on paper might just put some things into perspective.
30. Fake it before you make it. How would you act if you had the “perfect” body? What would you do differently than you do now? Try “pretending” you have your ideal body–& then act accordingly. You deserve to feel good & act confident about your body, no matter what.
31. Ditch the scale. It’s only a number (& a very insignificant, miniscule number at that!).
32. Losing weight does not equal instant confidence. (Proof: This girl.)
33. Remember that skinny doesn’t equal healthy. You can be skinny on the outside, but “fat on the inside.”
34. Celebrate when you reach a fitness goal. If you are trying to lose weight for health reasons, celebrate every success. Reward yourself with a non-edible present: that hot new top from Forever 21 or a fresh new pair of Steve Maddens.
35. Trust that what you put into your body, you’ll get back. If you feed it a little self-love mixed with nourishing & healthy food, your body will reward you for your efforts by working harder, lasting longer & just functioning better in general. On the flip side, if you feed it greasy, trans-fat filled foods and talk trash to it all the time, odds are it’s going to crash & deteriorate fast.
36. Remember that a lot of this ‘weight’ stuff is genetic–and not your fault at all. Blame Biology!
37. Think about all the crazy, fascinating stuff your body does for you behind-the-scenes, like breathing, pumping blood & creating synapses that tell your body parts how to move. Remember that it does all this without you having to remind it, so you can focus on other, more important, things.
38. Move your body in a new way everyday. Try a new sport, dance style or yoga pose. Maybe you’ll discover you’re naturally talented at something you’d never imagine (belly dancing, perhaps?).
39. I found this on another ‘love your body’ list: “We are born in love with our bodies. Watch an infant, sucking their fingers, rolling around, not worrying about their ‘body fat.’” Shouldn’t it stay that way?
40. Finally, share this list with any friend, mother, cousin, lover or niece who needs a little reminder to take care of & cherish her own unique, womanly, awesome body.
xoxo
erica lee
Topics: Body | 5 Comments »
Brain Sex: Get Moving.
By Erica | August 15, 2010
The last few days I’ve been a slug. Seriously. There’s really no better word to describe the way I’ve been slowly, painfully dragging myself through life lately. My scale can prove as testament: I gained 3 lbs. THREE. In three days. (Keep in mind I haven’t gained weight since about 2006 & just broke 100 lbs. for the first time with this weight gain & you’ll understand why this is so monumental!)
I decided it was okay to slack off on the treadmill (I mean, I have been religiously workin’ on my fitness for weeks–we all deserve a break, right?). I also simultaneously decided that I could throw some meat back in my diet AND eat that extra 100% beef frank.
All of these things were done in a vain attempt to make myself feel better about some stupid mistakes I’ve made lately. Instead of trying to either a) accept my mess-ups or b) correct them, I decided that eating copious amounts of food & throwing my workout to the wind in an attempt to coddle myself was the way to go.
Well. Three pounds & four missed workouts later, I see that this plan of action is just not working.
So today I decided to get back on the treadmill. Which led to me having a delicious amount of energy. Which led to me deciding to go to the store to buy veggies to make a simple salad for dinner. Which led to zero-to-none post-dinner guilt.
Which has slightly lessened my depression about my mistakes.
Funny how it works, huh? But not really surprising.
If you’re feeling bad about yourself, depressed about your circumstances or just plain bored, don’t slow down. Get up. Get active. Get moving.
Reorganize a sock drawer. Take your puppy outside. Water your flowers. Turn off the TV, without the remote. Walk around the house for 5 minutes (or better yet–run up & down your stairs, if you have them). Decide to cook a meal from start-to-finish. Fold your laundry or put away your clean clothes. Just do something that engages your body. Anything.
You can’t undo the past, but you can change your future.
And the future is now, darlings!
xoxo
erica lee
Topics: Brain Sex | 4 Comments »
Links I ♥ : 08.15.10
By Erica | August 15, 2010
(I found this photo via we heart it & it was from a tumblr called “diamonds in her veins.” I like that a lot–sounds like a line Francesca Lia Block would write!)
Hey ladies (& gents?)! This is going to be a short list of links. I don’t know what my deal is, but I’ve been (gasp) unplugged a lot more recently (?). I’m also housesitting & dog sitting, so being out of my own element kind of throws off my writing. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it definitely changes my perspective. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the few links I was able to find!
♥ Home Town Proud from yes and yes includes a video of one of my favorite Atmosphere songs. I don’t know what it is (perhaps my melancholy mood lately?) but I can’t stop listening to them again. While I’m at it, watch this video for “Always Coming
Back Home To You + Say Shh”–the lyrics really show the two sides to every home town. (BTW, there will be a short pause between songs. Don’t click out!)
♥ Also from yes and yes: How to Rock Freelance Writing. Yay! This is full of wonderful tips from a lot of established freelancers.
♥ Damaged Youth is one of my all-time favorite tumblrs.
♥ Goodlife Zen is quickly becoming one of my favorites. I like this post: Are You Wearing a Mask That Dims Your Light?
♥ Goodlife Zen also introduced me to A Flourishing Life which is super inspiring.
♥ Assignment: purse de-clutter, or do this now, you’ll be glad you did later.
♥ Rachel Hills is my idol. Making magic: you are not your wardrobe.
♥ feminist from YOU ARE REMARKABLE:
we no longer need men to treat us equally. we need women to treat each other less shitty.
-sarah silverman.
♥ From PsyPost: Twitter: 10 Psychological Insights & Amphetamine use in adolescence may impair adult working memory are both really interesting.
♥ Speaking of interesting, what makes someone interesting? Check out this series about how to develop your own interestingness: parts 1, 2, 3, 4.
♥ As a quarterlifer, who hasn’t had a conversation with regret?
♥ Corrine has just been on fire lately. Check out her series about Search Engine Optimization where she breaks down all the jargon in a way people can actually understand (including the issue of the integrity of SEO!). Parts 1 & 2.
xoxo
erica lee
Topics: Link Lust | 3 Comments »
Turning Fear Into Love
By Erica | August 14, 2010
(via weheartit)
Remember the scene in Donnie Darko when the health teacher draws a continuum on the board & tells the students that all emotions fall somewhere along this line between fear & love? (Hint: If you don’t, you can watch it here.) Although Mr. D didn’t agree (& as a angsty teen, I didn’t either), I’m starting to see the truth in that statement.
Everything I’ve ever read or experienced tells me that fear arises from a sense of not being in control. Here are some ways to gain back the control in your life & tackle your fears once & for all:
Break your addiction to sadness.
Focus on what you do want, rather than what you don’t.
Don’t take anything–especially yourself–too seriously.
Change your thoughts before, during & after fearful situations.
Do one new thing each week.
Expose yourself to fear-provoking situations slowly.
Write out an anxiety hierarchy for slowly tackling fear-provoking situations.
Stop thinking, start doing.
Believe in yourself so others will believe in you.
Forgive yourself for that thing that still haunts you.
Remember you can only tackle fear in the present.
When you feel the fear start to creep in, change your thoughts about the situation (while you’re in it). Over time, this will become easier.
Focus on having positive interactions with others.
See every interaction with someone else as an opportunity to make them feel good about themselves.
Believe in yourself, so you can believe in others.
How do you turn fear into love?
xoxo
erica lee
Topics: Inspiration, Lifestyle | 1 Comment »
Inspired by: Anaïs Nin
By Erica | August 11, 2010
If there’s one thing on this planet that never ceases to inspire me, it’s sex. Steaming, passionate, wild, intense, romantic, lustful, sweaty S-E-X.
It’s not because I’m necessarily a big advocate of new feminism (I am) or because I daydream about affairs with long-haired musicians (I do), but rather because the most wonderful, intoxicating stories revolve around sex. Sex–sexuality–is the core of humanity. It’s primal. It’s chemistry. And it’s damn interesting.
I’m certainly not the only chick who ever obsessed over orgasm. Case in point: Anaïs Nin was a French-born novelist who gained international acclaim with her highly sexual & erotic personal journals. Today, she is regarded as one of the sexiest & passionate eroticists of her time (& ours). But it wasn’t just her sexually-charged prose that interested me in this lovely literary figure. I don’t know about you ladies, but I’ve always had a ‘thing’ for the glamorous & sexually-empowered women of the past. With sexuality being so in-our-face today, it’s hard to imagine what it must have been like to live as an overtly sexual woman in a world where females were expected to be silent, passive & practically asexual. Unlike the sex icons of today, the kittens of yesteryear didn’t have cotton-candy-painted music videos as an outlet (Katy Perry reference totally intentional). I admire any woman who was brave enough to be completely herself in a time when whatever “herself” was was frowned upon, or people were scared of it. And yes, I’d definitely go as far as to say that people were afraid of women’s sexuality–and still are, in some countries & in some respects.
But Anaïs was lucky to have landed in the United States on the brink of the sassy, sexual revolution of the 1960′s & in the heart of Greenwich Village, which embraced her. Until that point, her work had remained mainly hush-hush (her first books were personal diaries, after all). Due to societal circumstances of the era, the women who discovered Anaïs instantly thought: This is it. This is who I want to be. Through her diaries, women were exposed to radical ideas about living independently & taking charge of their own sexuality. Anaïs became a bit of the poster child for feminism & sexuality & the whole bit (but not without a share of literary critics taking their stab at her!)
Selected Anaïs Nin Works Include:
6 things you should know about Anaïs:
1. She was a forerunner in the feminist movement of her era. Anais eventually purposely distanced herself from feminism, but when her work first took hold in literary circles, she was crowned queen of feminism. Her diaries portrayed her as a largely independent jet setter (she did travel between California & New York for 25 years), but critics argue she possibly wasn’t as outspoken, independent & wild as she was portrayed.
2. She was stunning–and her style was impeccable. Anais was not only a literary figure, but a fashion one as well. She dressed in this romantic, boho-chic (long before the term existed!) way. She was a gypsy–both in spirit & in style, and loved scarves, long, drapey dresses & other romantic pieces.
4. She was largely self-taught. Anais didn’t attend fancy schools or creative writing programs. She was born to artistic parents (her mother a singer & her father a pianist), though, which could have fueled her creativity. But Anaïs took it upon herself to explore her interests. She was inspired especially by literature & foreign languages. Because she was born in France, her first journals were written entirely in French. It wasn’t until she turned 17 that Anaïs tried her hand at English (I know, right? French seems much more romantique et belle, but what do I know?)
5. Literary critics called her a narcissist & a liar. Among other things. Literary critics slammed Anaïs for fabricating parts of her journals, particularly the sections that proposed an incestuous affair between her & her father.
6. She was involved in “A LITERARY PASSION” with lover & author Henry Miller. Literally, the couple published a book, A Literary Passion, which was essentially a collection of intimate love letters between the two writers. I really can’t think of anything more romantic or fulfilling for a writer. It’s absolutely magical (sadly, but not surprisingly, the relationship didn’t work out. But Anaïs was a coveted & flighty lover, so she wasn’t broken hearted for long).
Channel Anais:
2. Immerse yourself in your passion. Anais was equally as passionate about men as she was about writing. She combined these two passions to create one of the most poignant series of diaries ever published. Imagine what you could do if you completely dive head first into what you love?
3. Give in to your desires. Anaïs had an array of lovers, which signals to me: The woman was not one to say “No” to her deepest wants. Sometimes, in order to feel really & truly alive, you have to throw caution & restraint to the wind. Try it sometime. Kiss that stranger on the first date. Initiate a conversation with the girl who wears fairy wings on the subway. Get the tattoo you’ve always dreamed of. Take a community college class in painting even if you’ve never touched a canvas, if that’s where your heart is.
4. Don’t be afraid to be feminine. “It’s all right for a woman to be, above all, human. I am a woman first of all.” (from The Diary of Anaïs Nin, vol. I, 1966) To Anaïs, femininity was power. What does being a woman first mean to you? My ideas: Loving your body. Not being afraid of breasts, hips & thighs. Accentuate if you wish (at least once!). Kiss the body drama goodbye. Compliment your friend’s curves. Don’t be afraid of the word “vagina”–or talking about sex with your girlfriends. Maybe kiss another girl once, just to understand how it feels (so much softer, more sensual & full of love than some male kisses I’ve experienced!)
5. Do whatever it is you do with breathtaking candidness:
“Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic. “
“Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous.”
“Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it. “
“We do not see things as they are. We see things as we are.”
“I only believe in fire. Life. Fire. Being myself on fire I set others on fire. Never death. Fire and life. Les Jeux.”
5. But leave a little to be desired. Anais was also famous for mixing elements of fantasy into her “personal” stories. She wrote openly about the incestuous relationship between her & her father in her book, THE HOUSE OF INCEST, but many critics questioned the validity of her account, claiming she was embellishing for the sake of storytelling. Knowing the “real” Anais was a treasure few experienced. But it worked for her: This gave her life an elusive, secretive feel from the outside. How can you “leave a little to be desired” in today’s world, where almost everyone over shares? Channel Anais by exuding an air of mystery (that means no “Pool today 8-5, then hanging w/ my girls” Facebook statuses!). Disappear for a weekend & take an exotic vacation (or staycation). Never wear the same exact outfit twice. Listen more than you speak. People watch in your finest outfits in the middle of the day.
5. Emulate her style. Anaïs was as much a style icon as a literary one. You can achieve Anaïs’ ballerina-chic look using a mixture of trendy, vintage & classic pieces. Here are some pieces I think Anaïs would love:
6. Keep a journal. As if you needed another reason to keep a record of your life, know that Anaïs would applaud you. Anaïs was a huge advocate for journaling as a vehicle for self-liberation, particularly for women. She talks about her disconnect with the feminist movement & her belief in journaling as the ultimate liberation in A WOMAN SPEAKS: THE LECTURES, SEMINARS, AND INTERVIEWS OF ANAÏS NIN, a book released in 1975, two short years before her death. I recommend keeping both a digital & a paper journal. Try Xanga or Evernote .
Need more Anais?
♥ There is a daily blog dedicated to Anais, including “Anais Myth of the Day.” Yes, please!
♥ Every Little Counts on Etsy makes a wonderful, loose-fitting “A Literate Passion” tank, with the phrase “Henry & Anais” repeated down the entire front.
♥ Ever wondered what keeps French women looking so flawlessly young & vibrant? CBS News just released a slideshow of 8 Anti-Aging Secrets French Women Won’t Tell You. I can’t say if Anaïs implemented any of the techniques, but I can bet she would if she were alive today!
Your Thoughts:
Do any of you have a girl-crush on Anaïs like I do? What other totally glamorous & slightly neurotic historical women inspire you? Let’s talk about it in the comments–I always love to hear about other people’s muses (especially the lesser-known ones).
xoxo
erica lee
Topics: Inspiration, Lifestyle, Style | 5 Comments »
Links I ♥ : 08.08.10
By Erica | August 8, 2010
Yo, yo homegirls!
♥ Do you have problems making friends with other women? It’s embarrassing, but yes, I’m totally one of “those girls” (but I’m working on it!). Also, more from Amanda Lee on avoiding fashion impulse buys.
♥ Not sure if I have linked here before but Socially Positive is a gold mine for people with social anxiety disorder, plus the little lady who runs the site is an absolute doll. Proof: Here.
♥ Speaking of totally cute girls on YouTube, I’ve fallen in love with Chantilliscious’ YouTube channel. I really like this video about preparing for a situation that is going to cause anxiety.
♥ 10 Keys to Becoming a Better Communicator is pretty comprehensive & includes some tips I’ve never heard before.
♥ My girl Rachel Phipps wrote a really informative piece for Independent Fashion Bloggers about publications where freelancers can submit their articles.
♥ More on writing: 50 Ways to Woo the Web World.
♥ Deliciae is one of my new favorite blogs–totally worth a read if you’re a psychology nerd like me. I really liked The Sum of My Experiences: My Greatest Life Decisions.
♥ I am absolutely falling in love with yes & yes, and the True Story series is genius. The latest: True Story: I Was Sexually Abused. (Warning: Contains sensitive subject matter!)
♥ Starting a new job has been a little rougher than I imagined. I like these tips from positively present about staying positive at work!
♥ Have you heard LIGHTS? She’s this adorable little pixie from Canada who writes all her own music (usually from the comfort of her basement studio), plays the keytar mostly but can also rock out on the acoustic. She was even recently styled by Whitney Porte on MTV’s The City (though it didn’t exactly go as well as planned…) Anyway, she’s adorable & just came out with an acoustic EP. In spirit of all things acoustic, she also posted a video of her playing a cover of Joni Mitchell’s “Circle Game” (one of my absolute favorite songs of.all.time!) on her site. Go check it out because it’s lovely & she’s lovely.
♥ GUEST POSTS GALORE: I’ve been writing my little heart out & posting my work all over the interwebz. Check me out!
@the fbomb: Banish Girl Hate Today!
@CollegeFashion: Green Fashion 101: A Quick Guide to Eco-Friendly Shopping
♥ Mmm, I love this song! Matt & Kim – Good Ol’ Fashion Nightmare:
That’s el fin for this week, bellezas! I scored myself some freelance gigs that I’ve been working on besides working at my (corporate?!) job, so the rest of the weekend is devoted to amping up my stories & following up on some interviews. Squeal! I finally feel like a real, live journalist.
Have a rad, groovy, totally out-of-this-world kinda week!
xoxo
erica lee
Topics: Link Lust | 3 Comments »