hey, you. yes, you. reading this.
do you know how people really see you?
the short answer for most of you is probably, “yes! of course! absolutely!” (or maybe more like, “duhhh, girlfriend!”)
but in reality…
the way you think others perceive you & the way people actually perceive you are very different beasts.
thanks to my minor addiction to all glossy magazines (especially psychology today), i know for a fact we all have blind spots, or minor little behavioral things we’re totally oblivious to.
but lezzbe real – we’ve all seen blind spots in our friends. like, we have that one who just doesn’t get that she keeps dating the same douchebag guy (in various uniforms & with expressedly different bad hairstyles) over + over again. (’cause she still can’t fathom why she’s consistently left at home on Friday night bawling her eyes out over Lifetime movies and heaping bowls of cookies n’ creme icecream when he conveniently “forgets” to call – again.) or how about that other friend who – without question – manages to turn every single conversation – from gardening to your Grandma’s funeral – into a way for her to gripe about her own life, own problems, own stuff, to the point where you start to wonder, “Um, is she even listening to me at all?” (And, “If I really have to give this bitch a ride home & listen to her talk about her cat’s undiagnosed stomach problems one more freakin’ time…”)
well, babe, let’s face it: i have a blind spot. and you have a blind spot, too.
(and given that most of us are too nice/polite/terrified of hurting one another’s feelings to ever actually point out said blind spot to the other person, we’ll probably go our entire lives never REALLY knowing that one thing that irks the ish out of the people around us. such is life.)
but what i’ve come to realize in the past few weeks is that, sometimes, our blind spots can be positive.
because when it comes to how we gauge ourselves…well, we’re not always spot-on.
it’s true! we think we know everything about ourselves, but when it comes right down to it, even though we spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week being us, well, there’s definitely a few key things we miss. and those things? they can be beautiful. and the things that totally freak us out about ourselves, that we try to hide with makeup and fake smiles? they’re often the things that don’t even make other people bat an eyelash.
case-in-point: a co-worker & i were having our regular Monday morning chat last week when somehow the discussion turned to me, and how i handle things differently than a mutual acquaintance we share. my co-worker looked over at me – dead freakin’ serious – and said, “well, you wouldn’t have done that because you’re not shy. she’s shy.”
aaaaand i’m pretty sure i stopped breathing for a second.
(for those of you late to the party, i was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder at the tender age of 13. so, y’know, 13 years ago.)
needless to say, i was floored.
“me? not shy?!” i thought. “wtf is this woman smoking? and srsly, if it’s that good…i wonder if she can hook me up…”
yep, me. not shy. the girl who hides in the bathroom stall if i hear someone else washing their hands at the sink, until i’m 100% sure they’ve blown their pretty little paws dry, reapplied their coral lipstick & i hear both the safe creak of the door opening, and then closing again. the girl who used to panic every time i had to make a phone call, so much so that i would write down EVERY WORD i was going to say on a piece of paper beforehand. (and practice saying it out loud. twice.)
the girl who changed her entire college major & tacked on an extra year of debt so she didn’t have to speak to strangers on a weekly basis.
COME ON, MAN.
but in the eyes of my absolutely adorable co-worker?
i’m happy. upbeat. friendly.
AND…NOT.
SHY.
so i urge you to take a second to really, truly think about my question, again.
do you know how people really see you?
and then, ponder this: what if the answer is that you only THINK you know how people see you, based on the way YOU think about yourself?
what if the ‘flaws’ you painstakingly believe are so totally blatant that there’s no way a normally functioning human being CAN’T notice them – nobody else has ever even thought about?
what if the oh-so-horrible fact that you have a slight stutter in your speech, or that you always get a zit the size of a plump grape front & center on your forehead 3 days before your period like clockwork…orrrr that you sometimes swear your heart is about to burst through your ribcage & ricochet out through your chest because you’re so absolutely terrified to tell the waiter your food order came out wrong – are all just things you know about yourself, and not things anybody else can see, let alone things they care about?
AND – to take it one step further – what if no two people on the planet will ever view you the exact same way anyway, so therefore the opinion of one person is totally irrelevant?
what if?
would it change anything?
would you act differently? smile a little wider when things made you deliriously happy?
shake your ass on the dance floor to Shakira without a hint of shame?
scream when things scared you, cried when things touched you deeply &
let out the loudest, sexiest moan your man has ever heard the next time he slipped his hot manly fingers between your thighs?
would it give you the freedom to bust out that sexy black mini-dress you delegated to the back of the closet until you lost 10 lbs. and sashay yourself into the fiercest, hippest nightclub in town?
would you be able to let go a little bit & state your wild-and-wonderful opinions a little louder, and a lot more unabashedly?
think about it.
because it’s all true, baby doll.
you’re a clean slate everyday.
the only thing that matters is how you see you.
(but odds are, other people think you’re pretty rad, too.)
oh? and your black mini-dress?
it’s still waiting.
Yes, people see one person differently, even your best friends can see you differently.