by Erica | Sep 3, 2013 | Uncategorized
I’m not gonna lie: I’m a quitter.
Within the space of five years, I quit basketball. Soccer. Jazz dance. Honors classes.
I can’t really tell you why now. (Except when it comes to basketball. I’m 4’10” – and that’s reason enough.) I think (as I’ve mentioned before) that my childhood as a “gifted” child gave me some sort of complex against hard work. I truly believed if it was meant to be, I’d be awesome at it the first time. And I was heart-wrenchingly disappointed when I wasn’t.
So, I’d quit.
That said, I guess it should be no surprise that even though I’m obsessed with writing (always have been), there have been plenty of times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel on my business. Hurl my hands up in the air. Surrender, white flag waving. Head right back into my old corporate office. (Okay, cubicle.) (Okay, corner-that-was-specifically-mine.) (In their defense, they had a damn good salad bar that almost would make it worth it.)
But I think I’ve finally discovered the secret.
I don’t HAVE to be head-over-heels in love with what I’m doing, 100% of the time.
If I have a bad day here or there, it doesn’t mean I’m not meant to be doing what I’m doing.
EVERYBODY wants to quit sometimes.
The most successful, innovative, outstanding people out there have felt like saying “Fuck it.”
And maybe they even did say it.
For an hour. Or a day. Or a week.
…But then they came back to it.
And THIS is where the secret lies.
You wanna know WHY they came back?
Because the reason for doing whatever it is they’re doing is LARGER than the temporary discomfort they feel when things aren’t going their way.
We all know rationally that not everything comes up roses all the time.
But we still get thrown off when things don’t come easily.
We get pissed when we publish a blog post that took us three days to write & crickets chirp.
We get peeved when we launch some wildly fantastic & uber delicious idea – yet nobody bites.
We feel like failures if we’re not raking in five figures a month within our first year. (Aw, come on now!)
Sometimes, despite what people will tell you, LOVE just isn’t all you need, baby.
Sometimes, infatuation with what you do just isn’t enough to keep you going when the going gets choppy.
So, you need to know what ELSE motivates you to do what you do.
Enter, the “When I Want to Quit Remember This Sh*t” List.
I’ve heard the advice before. “Remember your WHY,” people often say. But remembering it and actually HAVING IT IN PHYSICAL FORM STARING BACK AT YOU DAY IN & DAY OUT is a totally different experience. So that’s why I now have a “When I Want to Quit Remember This Sh*t” list posted up on my desk, where it can’t be avoided or ignored.
I wrote mine last week. Here’s a peek:
When I want to quit, I will consciously remember the following…
+ How awesome it feels to be financially independent & stable (and the years I spent under the thumb of an ex who used cash to control me)
+ That by writing for other women entrepreneurs, I can give them that same financial freedom
+ How much the 9-5 sucks: the drive, the boredom, the stiff back at the end of the day, the BLINDING white lights, alla the pollitickin’, the total lack of value & feeling disposable (ick)
+ I was meant for this! I had an online ‘zine at age 10. I’ve wanted to be an Internet entrepreneur before anybody even knew what that was!
+ Everything always goes better than I think it will (read: People like me! They really like me!)
+ I’m helping others. My clients want to like and trust me. I’m making life easier for them!
+ Even writers need fresh eyes & ideas (read: Even if I think somebody’s copy already ROCKS and I can’t do anything for them, sometimes all they’re paying me for is a fresh perspective. Therefore, I don’t need to feel like I have nothing to offer to even the greatest writers in the world!)
And there you have it.
It’s nothing fancy. It probably didn’t take me more than five minutes to write. But it’s saved my ass multiple times during its one week of existence.
The reasons I listed weren’t random. They’re BIG. They’re soul-level stuff. They really speak to me, and I think that’s important if you’re going to make a list like this of your own. Usually by the time I get to item three, I’m already feeling a little bit better about tackling whatever hairy task is ahead of me.
So.
The lesson here?
Being cramazing (yes, that’s a mashup of crazy and amazing) isn’t about never feeling defeated.
It’s about feeling defeated but MOVING AHEAD anyway.
It’s about remembering why you do what you do. (Even if – for the moment – that’s just because you love seeing your name splashed across the Internet or the numbers crawling upwards in your bank account.)
Sometimes we need to take a look at the big picture to realize what a spectacular masterpiece we’re creating.
To Never Giving Up,
by Erica | Aug 6, 2013 | Uncategorized
I often find I get the best ideas while running, or in the shower (both places I can’t conveniently stash a pen and paper, natch). Here’s my latest.
Everything is an energy exchange. In order to GET what you want, you have to be willing to GIVE.
(Click to tweet!)
Now I know this sounds painfully simple in theory. I’ve actually heard other people make similar testaments many times. But for some reason, when I really sat and marinated on this one, it was like the clouds parted and a beam of insight smacked me right in the head.
I’m not gonna lie: Growing up labeled a “gifted” child didn’t do much in the way of teaching me that sometimes life requires hard work. I thought I was innately talented, and “smart” and therefore, exempt from the struggles those other “non-gifted” humans had to undertake.
Mostly, it was true. I didn’t struggle with math or reading or science quizzes. But as I got older and real life things – like, you know, the slowing of my metabolism and (gasp!) TAXES – started to become important, things shifted.
I started to struggle just like everybody else.
And because I had been sheltered from it for so long, it hurt like fucking hell.
Alas, I still rode around on my high horse. I thought, “I have TALENT! I’m SMART! Everything in life is going to work out perfectly for me and I’m not going to have to lift a finger.”
But then weeks, months and years started to fly by. And then my 25th birthday hit. I wasn’t a national best selling author. I wasn’t running a successful, six figure blog. I wasn’t hobnobbing with the best dressed in my city and riding around in a (preferably, silver) BMW. I didn’t have an uber-hot, wildly rich boyfriend who worked some high-profile job and who handed me cash like candy (actually, I was dating a guy who handed me dollar bills, but let’s just say he didn’t make them wearing a suit. If you catch my drift.)
And you know why?
BECAUSE I WASN’T WORKING FOR IT.
Sure, I was working. I do have bills, you know. (Yet another thing I’m definitely NOT exempt from.) But I wasn’t WORKING. I wasn’t throwing my all into it. In fact, I was half-assing a lot of things.
I mean, I loved my job as a celebrity gossip blogger (who wouldn’t?), but I wasn’t obsessed with it the way I felt I should be. (And seriously, what kind of contribution was I making to the world bashing Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage over and over?) I’d skip out on extra work in favor of one of those cute little umbrella drinks and/or a fat, stuffed taco on Tuesdays. I was drinking a lot, and therefore not waking up on time to crank out my stories. I was also not doing pretty much anything in the way of building my so-called business. I was dabbling in holding a few different clients at a time, but I wasn’t giving it my all.
And looking for a suitable man?
Fuhgeddaboutit!
Yet I still had this weird belief that one day it would all just happen.
I’d just wake up and suddenly be a totally different person with a totally different life.
Oh, what a difference a year makes!
I realize now that it’s all about taking the little steps. And more than that, it’s about BEING WILLING TO GIVE OF YOURSELF IN ORDER TO GET THE LIFE YOU WANT.
As I learned in my senior capstone class in undergrad on science fiction: There aint no such thing as a free lunch, baby.
So next time you’re facing a challenge, I challenge you to ask yourself:
How much am I willing to give to get this?
‘This’ could be anything – the nice abs, the cushy job in the corner office, the love of your life.
Think of it as an energy exchange and it should feel better when you make sacrifices to get the things you want. In fact, scrap the word “sacrifice” from your vocab.
Nothing is a sacrifice if you want it bad enough.
(And as we all know, energy likes like energy. If you’re putting out positive stuff, you WILL get it back. It’s, like, science, man.)
Here’s a process to go through next time you’re faced with a situation that feels like it requires you to make a sacrifice:
// 1. Ask yourself, “How bad do I want this?” If the answer’s not “really fucking bad,” move on. Or come to terms with the fact that you might not get whatever it is you’re after.
// 2. Then, ask yourself, “What am I willing to GIVE of myself to GET this result?” Are you willing to GIVE an hour of your time to the universe, in order to prepare yourself a fresh, nutritious meal? Are you willing to GIVE all your energy to this workout, so you can feel accomplished, strong and be that much healthier? Are you willing to GIVE $100 for a hot new pair of heels? Am I willing to GIVE hours of my time to several different clients to help them reach their dreams, so that I can GET the freedom and lifestyle I want? (Oops – slipped into first person there. But I think you catch my drift.)
// 3. Decide. Do you want it bad enough? And do you realize that, unless you’re willing to GIVE, it won’t come to you ANY OTHER WAY? That, my dears, is the question.
Your Turn!
Let’s talk sacrifices. Er, um, energy exchanges. When was the last time you GAVE of yourself to GET what you wanted? Does thinking of it as energy rather than sacrifice help you make decisions? Spill, jill!
copywriter for lady rebelles, trendy tastemakers + spiritual sellers.
