I grew up in a home where it was not okay to buy brand name things. True story.

(Paradoxically, we were also “not allowed” to shop at Walmart. This may or may not have totally messed me up. But I digress.)

Obvi, this sent a pretty mixed message to a growing girl. It was almost, dare I say, detrimental to me – especially in junior high – when all my friends were wearing Victoria’s Secret G-strings, Abercrombie tees, washing their bouncy, voluminous hair with Pantene Pro V and spritzing themselves with their mom’s “Chanel No. 5”). In my house, spending more than $29.99 on jeans was a near sin.

Except on days it wasn’t.

Every so often, my mom would decide she just had to have something. So, we’d go on a shopping spree. And while we never ended up at the mall like I always prayed, I was still usually over-the-moon grateful. Who cared where I was? I was shopping, baby.

Although the trips were fun, the fun was short-lived. As soon as we stepped outside the store with our treats + trinkets, my mom would flip the script. The stipulations would come. “You know you can’t show this to your dad,” she’d say on the ride home, as I was proudly fingering my latest spaghetti strap tank in the backseat. (My mom always drove me around like a chauffeur. I still don’t quite understand why.)

This wasn’t surprising.

I knew the drill. We’d be able to fondle and fawn over our new purchases in the car, but as soon as we pulled in the driveway, they all had to be packed away.

Then, as a ritual, Mom would check to see if Dad was inside, and if he was, the bags would have to sit in her minivan until he went to sleep and we’d sneak them in stealthily.

Yep. Dad was the worst about spending money.

In his mind, money should only leave our pockets if we were buying something absolutely pertinent to survival. Anything else was deemed unnecessary. Frivolous. And downright selfish.

But you know me. I’m a bit of a rule breaker. And I have never felt the same way as my parents in that department.

Except…actually, I realized last week – I do.

Last week I went on a mini-online shopping bender.

I spent a nice wad of change ON MYSELF. AND on things that I didn’t absolutely need or I’d go hungry/lose my home/not be able to get around. I got a few “trendy” pieces of clothing and a few “basics” I’ve been eyeing for a long time. It all sounds super sensible on paper, and to most people, it probably wouldn’t be a big deal.

But for me? It set off all my crazy internal programming in a major way. Seriously, an immense amount of guilt, shame & overall “icky” feeling kicked in almost as soon as I clicked the “check out” button.

It hit me like a punch in the stomach.

I just felt really fucking guilty for spending money on myself.

Logically, it was ridic. Here I am – after working myself to the bone for the last three months – finally buying myself something nice with money I made with my own two hands (literally…typing is quite a laborious activity for los manos!). (Oh, and did I mention it’s also my birthday next week? Yeah. That, too.)

The thing about irrational beliefs like this is that we know they’re irrational. In my mind I was thinking, “Seriously, any balanced, “spiritual,” normal human being would NOT be freaking out like this” – which honestly only made me feel worse. But for real, why should treating myself to a little somethin’ somethin’ make me feel terrible instead of amazing?

Well old habits die hard, ladies.

I kept thinking over & over: Am I really feeling guilty for buying a hot pair of nude flats I’ll probably wear 100 times in the next year? Am I really beating myself up over purchasing a graphic sweatshirt that says “stay weird” – one of my fave phrases of all time? …Really? Am I?

Oh, but I was.

Even worse, in that moment it hit me: I realized that this “spending money is bad” mindset totally spills over into my business.

Like, I often “talk myself out of” buying the good shit. The fab website. The premium session with the photographer who I know would knock it out of the park. The biz coach w/ the high price tag but phenomenal, life-changing results. (Although there must be a disclaimer on that one. I know that there are times a couple extra zeros tacked on the end of a price not equal a better quality experience. But I also know that sometimes it DOES.)

However, like what happens after most mini-meltdowns, I actually came to a moment of clarity.

Something kinda sorta miraculous happened.

I took a step back. I asked myself why I was truly feeling bad.

And then I realized two undeniable truths:

1) this was an old bullshit mindset + my ego trying to sabotage me feeling and looking fucking awesome (read: changing!)
2) everything I bought I bought because it made me feel fucking awesome + that was absolutely something to feel good about

While comforting, my guilt did not immediately dissipate after these realizations. But it did bring those insights to light.

So, like any balanced, spiritual person would do (wink face!), here I am, (attempting) to make a vow to myself to stop this shopping guilt nonsense.

From this day forward, I vow to give myself permission to purchase & wear things – heck, even eat things – that are high quality JUST BECAUSE I can.

I hereby promise myself to never again let my old thought patterns convince me I should feel bad for choosing Prada over Payless – in business or in life – if it’s what I truly want.

I truly believe that as long as I’m not spending out of my means or being manically reckless with my moolah, I have a RIGHT to want (and have) the best. Creme de la creme. Top shelf shizz, y’know.

But, a word of warning to any of you ladies reading this like, “Yes! I knew I should put that coaching package on a line of credit! Thanks, Erica!” This is NOT a permission slip to put things like y’know, paying bills or having enough cash to buy toilet paper at the bottom of your To Buy list. Those things – the essentials for survival – NEED to take precedence over anything else. They just have to.

I’ve done the whole “Oh I’ll just buy this fancy dinner and then..I don’t know…eat Ramen noodles for a week if I have to.” No. Just no.

If a true lack of money is what’s preventing you from investing in yourself or your business – keep it that way. Get to a place where you actually have extra bucks in your checking account to spend.

BUT when you DO have a cash cushion?

Don’t be afraid to splurge every once in awhile. Don’t be afraid to let yourself buy the designer jeans because you know damn well you’ll wear them much longer than the Target cheapies.

So, how do you know when to choose Prada over Payless?

Here are some hard-n-fast rules:

1. You have the money. (Duh, right!) But I mean like, it’s not on credit or stretching you far beyond your means.

2. It will help you make MORE money. (Although use some serious discretion on this one. While I’ve never regretted taking a business or copywriting course, I have absolutely regretted doing it at the time that I did. Don’t do it when the money is tight, yo.)

3. It’s something that you know you’ll use, over & over & over again. I am all about quality shoes, coats & jeans. Because I wear them all. the. freaking. time.. and they still look awesomesauce. Quality is worth paying more for.

Your Turn! // Do you have any guilt around spending money on yourself? How do you gauge when you should splurge and when you should pass? Tell us in the comments! xo

I’m Erica Lee Strauss, pixie-sized copywriter, word weaver & marketing maven. I help women entrepreneurs craft conversational copy that sells. I want to live in a world where women rule, people aren’t afraid to say “I love you” and sequins can be worn year-round, without question.

When I’m not working out, downward dogging on my yoga mat and tinkering away on my MacBook, you can find me laughing with friends in the sunshine, sipping chai tea or ferociously writing in my journal. Or shopping.

Keep up with her on twitter @ericaleexo or come hang out over on the Facebook page.