by Erica | Sep 3, 2013 | Uncategorized
I’m not gonna lie: I’m a quitter.
Within the space of five years, I quit basketball. Soccer. Jazz dance. Honors classes.
I can’t really tell you why now. (Except when it comes to basketball. I’m 4’10” – and that’s reason enough.) I think (as I’ve mentioned before) that my childhood as a “gifted” child gave me some sort of complex against hard work. I truly believed if it was meant to be, I’d be awesome at it the first time. And I was heart-wrenchingly disappointed when I wasn’t.
So, I’d quit.
That said, I guess it should be no surprise that even though I’m obsessed with writing (always have been), there have been plenty of times I’ve wanted to throw in the towel on my business. Hurl my hands up in the air. Surrender, white flag waving. Head right back into my old corporate office. (Okay, cubicle.) (Okay, corner-that-was-specifically-mine.) (In their defense, they had a damn good salad bar that almost would make it worth it.)
But I think I’ve finally discovered the secret.
I don’t HAVE to be head-over-heels in love with what I’m doing, 100% of the time.
If I have a bad day here or there, it doesn’t mean I’m not meant to be doing what I’m doing.
EVERYBODY wants to quit sometimes.
The most successful, innovative, outstanding people out there have felt like saying “Fuck it.”
And maybe they even did say it.
For an hour. Or a day. Or a week.
…But then they came back to it.
And THIS is where the secret lies.
You wanna know WHY they came back?
Because the reason for doing whatever it is they’re doing is LARGER than the temporary discomfort they feel when things aren’t going their way.
We all know rationally that not everything comes up roses all the time.
But we still get thrown off when things don’t come easily.
We get pissed when we publish a blog post that took us three days to write & crickets chirp.
We get peeved when we launch some wildly fantastic & uber delicious idea – yet nobody bites.
We feel like failures if we’re not raking in five figures a month within our first year. (Aw, come on now!)
Sometimes, despite what people will tell you, LOVE just isn’t all you need, baby.
Sometimes, infatuation with what you do just isn’t enough to keep you going when the going gets choppy.
So, you need to know what ELSE motivates you to do what you do.
Enter, the “When I Want to Quit Remember This Sh*t” List.
I’ve heard the advice before. “Remember your WHY,” people often say. But remembering it and actually HAVING IT IN PHYSICAL FORM STARING BACK AT YOU DAY IN & DAY OUT is a totally different experience. So that’s why I now have a “When I Want to Quit Remember This Sh*t” list posted up on my desk, where it can’t be avoided or ignored.
I wrote mine last week. Here’s a peek:
When I want to quit, I will consciously remember the following…
+ How awesome it feels to be financially independent & stable (and the years I spent under the thumb of an ex who used cash to control me)
+ That by writing for other women entrepreneurs, I can give them that same financial freedom
+ How much the 9-5 sucks: the drive, the boredom, the stiff back at the end of the day, the BLINDING white lights, alla the pollitickin’, the total lack of value & feeling disposable (ick)
+ I was meant for this! I had an online ‘zine at age 10. I’ve wanted to be an Internet entrepreneur before anybody even knew what that was!
+ Everything always goes better than I think it will (read: People like me! They really like me!)
+ I’m helping others. My clients want to like and trust me. I’m making life easier for them!
+ Even writers need fresh eyes & ideas (read: Even if I think somebody’s copy already ROCKS and I can’t do anything for them, sometimes all they’re paying me for is a fresh perspective. Therefore, I don’t need to feel like I have nothing to offer to even the greatest writers in the world!)
And there you have it.
It’s nothing fancy. It probably didn’t take me more than five minutes to write. But it’s saved my ass multiple times during its one week of existence.
The reasons I listed weren’t random. They’re BIG. They’re soul-level stuff. They really speak to me, and I think that’s important if you’re going to make a list like this of your own. Usually by the time I get to item three, I’m already feeling a little bit better about tackling whatever hairy task is ahead of me.
So.
The lesson here?
Being cramazing (yes, that’s a mashup of crazy and amazing) isn’t about never feeling defeated.
It’s about feeling defeated but MOVING AHEAD anyway.
It’s about remembering why you do what you do. (Even if – for the moment – that’s just because you love seeing your name splashed across the Internet or the numbers crawling upwards in your bank account.)
Sometimes we need to take a look at the big picture to realize what a spectacular masterpiece we’re creating.
To Never Giving Up,
by Erica | Aug 22, 2013 | Mind, Spirit
Despite my best efforts (and believe me, I have MANY efforts), I still have bad days.
I’m an introspective, introverted & otherwise “sensitive” human being. I’m prone to the blues, every now & again.
I recently discovered this super-cool technique for meeting my emotions – and then eradicating them, in one fell swoop. In Tara Brach’s Meditations for Emotional Healing, she presents something called the “YES” meditation.
The “YES” Meditation is 15 minutes of allowing yourself to COMPLETELY feel whatever it is you’re feeling.
Often we don’t realize that we’re pushing negative emotions away. It’s a natural instinct: Nobody wants to feel pain! Instead, it shows up as a nagging feeling that something isn’t right, looming right underneath the surface. And all day we run from it – by incessantly texting on our iPhones, checking Facebook over & over, escaping our homes to meet our gal pals at the bar for a cute umbrella-drink. We do a lot of this, if not ALL of it, subconsciously.
Brach’s meditation encourages us to spend less than half an hour just LISTENING & TUNING INTO our own emotions. And NOT trying to change them, or wish them away.
Brach asks us to SAY YES to whatever we’re experiencing. Anxious? Say, “Yes, this too.” Tired? “Yes, this too.” Going ballistic over an impending deadline? “Yes, this too.” Tender heart stinging over a recent breakup or squabble? “Yes, this too.”
I’ve been trying this every day for about a week now. And the results have been miraculous. (And let me tell ya, being SILENT & STILL for 15 minutes sometimes feels like torture for such a fidgety, always-switched-on person like me.)
When we stop trying to CHANGE what we feel, what we feel CHANGES.
You don’t have to go out & buy Tara’s CD (but I totally recommend it, there’s TONS of other sweet ass meditations & eye-opening stories on it!) in order to experience this little moment of peace yourself. You can either do it intentionally, by setting aside 10-15 minutes everyday to get in touch with your true feelings, or you can try it in the moment – whenever a bad feeling creeps up on you, try to ACCEPT IT & ALLOW it to flow through your body.
That’s the thing about feelings. Just like everything in life, they’re transitory. They’re just energy, and although they hurt like hell in the moment, they too will pass. And if you ALLOW them to do their job – like bring to light the fact that you can’t stay in your semi-abusive relationship a minute longer or force you to face that deeply-embedded old wound that screams “NOBODY cares about you!” – they’ll leave you alone.
But, be warned: When you’re saying “Yes,” it’s not gonna feel good. It’s going to feel really freaking uncomfortable. You’re going to be able to feel it physically in your body. It might tickle, lightly caressing. Or it might STING, like you’ve been jacked right in the tummy.
But then, a funny thing will happen. As you bring down your walls & simply allow the totally raw feelings to settle into your body, everything will soften. And the feeling won’t feel so CRUSHING anymore. It might even dissolve completely.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, is that if I can’t find an answer to whatever is plaguing me, ACCEPTANCE is the true solution to whatever ails me.
I encourage you to stop & take notice next time you feel a gross wave of emotion threatening to pull you under.
I encourage you to LET IT.
…And then LET IT GO.
from my diary: on being human.
i don’t really think it’s about denying the human parts of myself anymore. i think it’s more about finding a balance – expressing the good human parts like sex, happiness, pleasure, while also learning not to dwell or believe too much in the bad human parts like jealousy and fear.
it’s not that we shouldn’t feel those things. we absolutely should feel everything. but i think we should learn to feel those things (however scary, unwelcome and sometimes unfounded they are)…and then to let them go.
xo
by Erica | Aug 18, 2013 | Inspiration, Mind, Spirit
We’ve all heard it a trillion times: Having a consistent morning routine/ritual that nourishes your body, mind and soul is imperative to living a life you love. Our morning – and, in fact, even those first few moments after we wake up – shapes our entire day.
But given that so many of us have such precious little time in the mornings, how do you know what to do that will make you look + feel your best, in the shortest amount of time possible?
Well, I think it’s a matter of trial-and-error, really. Every one of us is different, and some people will find certain things next to impossible to do when they first wake up. Like for me, I can’t imagine doing a strength training session first thing out of bed (and that’s not totally because I am a caffeine addict…although that may be part of it).
Below, I’ve rounded up six morning rituals that get (+ keep) me goin’ in the a.m.!
1. Lemon water.
When life gives you lemons, squeeze that shit into your water bottle & drink it! I am SO not a huge water drinker (although my cool little filtering water bottle has sort of changed that), so this hasn’t always been easy for me. However, hydration in the a.m. has made a huge difference in the way I feel all morning. Here’s a rapid fire list of reasons lemon water is the shizz; boosts your immune system, balances your pH levels, aids weight loss AND digestion, gives you beautiful, glowing skin, replenishes your vitamin C (which you lose if you’re stressed out all the time), makes your breath smell nice AND can help coffee drinkers break the habit. Still working on that last one.
2. Fasted cardio.
OK, so the medical field can’t agree whether this one is beneficial for fat loss or not. But that aside, I do know this: Getting my cardio out of the way in the morning – aka before I even really know what’s going on – is the ONLY way I can do it. I usually jog for 25-30 minutes on the treadmill at a steady pace, and about halfway through I find myself jazzed up, feeling (semi) alive and rocking out to whatever tunes I’ve picked for the day. It’s more about mental clarity and energy for me than fat loss anyway, but if you ARE looking to shed extra weight, take note: At least some health peeps agree doing cardio in a fasted state (4 or more hours after eating) is optimal for fat loss. This isn’t because the amount of calories burned changes whether you’ve eaten or not, but because when you’re fasted, your body gets it’s energy from stored fats RATHER than the sexy pre-workout meal you smashed two hours prior.
3. Mindfulness Meditation.
Meditation has TRULY saved me in so many ways. It’s helped IMMENSELY with the following: Generalized Anxiety, Social Anxiety, Codependency and overall low self esteem. Everybody has their own preference when it comes to meditation styles, but my fave type is mindfulness. I am ALWAYS worried about something, and it’s truly amazing what 5-20 minutes of FOCUSING ON THE MOMENT can do for a girl’s sanity. For me, it’s easiest to focus on sounds. Just take a second to listen. Can you BELIEVE that many dang birds are chirping ALL THE TIME?
If you’re new to meditation, I recommend trying a GUIDED version. I’ll be releasing some of my own soon (yippee!), but a quick search on YouTube will bring up some fun results. I just DON’T recommend doing a relaxation meditation in the morning…for obvious reasons. 🙂
Also this quick 5-minute energy balancing exercise works wonders.
4. Affirmations.
I gotta be real with you. I am NOT a natural optimist. Even worse, I have TERRIBLE morning anxiety. When I first jump out of bed, my brain is on serious overload. One of the best ways to soothe my wired nerves is to force-feed ’em positive affirmations. Just like using the crowding out principle when it comes to losing weight (read: introduce more healthy foods rather than taking away the things you love – more on that later!), I have found the easiest way to stay positive is to ADD positive thoughts rather than try to battle my (automatic) negative ones.
My faves affirms?
+ “Erica, you’re doing a great job. I’m proud of you. You’re safe.”
+ “I am calm, peaceful and confident.”
+ and the uber-simple, “Today is going to be a great day.”
I have lots of these printed out, written on notecards AND programmed into my phone to go off at random times throughout the day.
Find what works for you. Affirmations are personal – they should always speak right to your soul. (That’s also the only way your brain will believe them, anyway!)
5. Morning Pages
You guys, seriously, if you don’t journal – you need to start. Like, yesterday. ‘Morning pages’ is a concept introduced in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way. Cameron asks you to write 3, unfiltered, uncensored pages a day, preferably right when you wake up, as a way to unblock your creativity. It turns out that when we have a bunch of stuff on our minds, it keeps our creative energy stuck. I call my morning pages my “brain dump” and that’s really what I do – write down WHATEVER I’m thinking, without editing. I use the online application 750words.com. Three pages is approximately 750 words, and for me, it’s easier to type than write with paper + pen, but you should experiment and find what works for you. Even if you don’t consider yourself a writer, or aren’t “creatively blocked,” you’ll be amazed at the clarity and awareness you’ll find from a little morning journalling.
6. Green smoothies.
I love eating healthy, but getting in the amount of greens we should isn’t always easy. Green smoothies, however, are the EPITOME of EASY. I’ve finally perfected my morning smoothie recipe, and I also whip it up if I find myself experiencing hanger (yes, hunger + anger) pangs throughout the day.
My recipe includes:
+ A big ass handful of spinach
+ One banana
+ One half small cucumber, sliced
+ One cup blueberries
+ One cup raspberries
+ Coconut milk (the amount depends on how thick or “creamy” I want it to be that day)
+ Water and stevia to taste
Blend and let sit in freezer, or add ice cubes. Voila! Try it for a week and just try to tell me you don’t notice a difference. In fact, I think I’m going to go make myself one right now!
Your Turn!
I love hearing about how other people live their lives, and morning routines FASCINATE me. Do you have a routine you’d like to share? What do you HAVE to do everyday in order to function at your best? Share your morning routine with us in the comments – you might just have a genius idea that could benefit all of us!
by Erica | Aug 6, 2013 | Uncategorized
I often find I get the best ideas while running, or in the shower (both places I can’t conveniently stash a pen and paper, natch). Here’s my latest.
Everything is an energy exchange. In order to GET what you want, you have to be willing to GIVE.
(Click to tweet!)
Now I know this sounds painfully simple in theory. I’ve actually heard other people make similar testaments many times. But for some reason, when I really sat and marinated on this one, it was like the clouds parted and a beam of insight smacked me right in the head.
I’m not gonna lie: Growing up labeled a “gifted” child didn’t do much in the way of teaching me that sometimes life requires hard work. I thought I was innately talented, and “smart” and therefore, exempt from the struggles those other “non-gifted” humans had to undertake.
Mostly, it was true. I didn’t struggle with math or reading or science quizzes. But as I got older and real life things – like, you know, the slowing of my metabolism and (gasp!) TAXES – started to become important, things shifted.
I started to struggle just like everybody else.
And because I had been sheltered from it for so long, it hurt like fucking hell.
Alas, I still rode around on my high horse. I thought, “I have TALENT! I’m SMART! Everything in life is going to work out perfectly for me and I’m not going to have to lift a finger.”
But then weeks, months and years started to fly by. And then my 25th birthday hit. I wasn’t a national best selling author. I wasn’t running a successful, six figure blog. I wasn’t hobnobbing with the best dressed in my city and riding around in a (preferably, silver) BMW. I didn’t have an uber-hot, wildly rich boyfriend who worked some high-profile job and who handed me cash like candy (actually, I was dating a guy who handed me dollar bills, but let’s just say he didn’t make them wearing a suit. If you catch my drift.)
And you know why?
BECAUSE I WASN’T WORKING FOR IT.
Sure, I was working. I do have bills, you know. (Yet another thing I’m definitely NOT exempt from.) But I wasn’t WORKING. I wasn’t throwing my all into it. In fact, I was half-assing a lot of things.
I mean, I loved my job as a celebrity gossip blogger (who wouldn’t?), but I wasn’t obsessed with it the way I felt I should be. (And seriously, what kind of contribution was I making to the world bashing Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage over and over?) I’d skip out on extra work in favor of one of those cute little umbrella drinks and/or a fat, stuffed taco on Tuesdays. I was drinking a lot, and therefore not waking up on time to crank out my stories. I was also not doing pretty much anything in the way of building my so-called business. I was dabbling in holding a few different clients at a time, but I wasn’t giving it my all.
And looking for a suitable man?
Fuhgeddaboutit!
Yet I still had this weird belief that one day it would all just happen.
I’d just wake up and suddenly be a totally different person with a totally different life.
Oh, what a difference a year makes!
I realize now that it’s all about taking the little steps. And more than that, it’s about BEING WILLING TO GIVE OF YOURSELF IN ORDER TO GET THE LIFE YOU WANT.
As I learned in my senior capstone class in undergrad on science fiction: There aint no such thing as a free lunch, baby.
So next time you’re facing a challenge, I challenge you to ask yourself:
How much am I willing to give to get this?
‘This’ could be anything – the nice abs, the cushy job in the corner office, the love of your life.
Think of it as an energy exchange and it should feel better when you make sacrifices to get the things you want. In fact, scrap the word “sacrifice” from your vocab.
Nothing is a sacrifice if you want it bad enough.
(And as we all know, energy likes like energy. If you’re putting out positive stuff, you WILL get it back. It’s, like, science, man.)
Here’s a process to go through next time you’re faced with a situation that feels like it requires you to make a sacrifice:
// 1. Ask yourself, “How bad do I want this?” If the answer’s not “really fucking bad,” move on. Or come to terms with the fact that you might not get whatever it is you’re after.
// 2. Then, ask yourself, “What am I willing to GIVE of myself to GET this result?” Are you willing to GIVE an hour of your time to the universe, in order to prepare yourself a fresh, nutritious meal? Are you willing to GIVE all your energy to this workout, so you can feel accomplished, strong and be that much healthier? Are you willing to GIVE $100 for a hot new pair of heels? Am I willing to GIVE hours of my time to several different clients to help them reach their dreams, so that I can GET the freedom and lifestyle I want? (Oops – slipped into first person there. But I think you catch my drift.)
// 3. Decide. Do you want it bad enough? And do you realize that, unless you’re willing to GIVE, it won’t come to you ANY OTHER WAY? That, my dears, is the question.
Your Turn!
Let’s talk sacrifices. Er, um, energy exchanges. When was the last time you GAVE of yourself to GET what you wanted? Does thinking of it as energy rather than sacrifice help you make decisions? Spill, jill!
by Erica | Dec 4, 2012 | Inspiration
As entrepreneurs, it’s so easy to get caught up in what you don’t know + forget about what you do know.
Level with me here, ladies.
Do you often forget that what you do is an unthinkable, near-impossible act to someone else?
Do you dismiss yourself, downplaying the incredible fact that what you do – whatever you do – lights up another human’s life?
Or that it enables them (in the healthy, exciting, beautiful way – not the pre-Intervention way) to stop freaking out about at least one part of their life, so they can spend more quality time with their loved ones? (That’s not something to be taken lightly, at all.)
Do you shrug + say, “Why would anybody want to hire me anyway? There’s a million other people out there doing exactly what I do!”?
Quit that shit.
Own the value of what you do.
Nobody can do it like you, baby.
P.S. A little birdie told me my BOGO copywriting sales page wasn’t working properly last week. If you’re still interested in booking two sales pages for $105 or a sales page + bio for $105, e-mail me ASAP + I’ll get you scheduled!
by Erica | Nov 7, 2012 | Inspiration
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned since being in business for myself?
You HAVE to be responsible – to yourself, to your clients + to your business as a whole, if you ever want to succeed.
Seriously. When you’re trying to make it big (or just make it – as in, not living off of Kraft Mac n’ Cheese or sleeping in your car), you can’t hide. You can’t cower. And you definitely can’t ignore the issues in your business + hope they go away. (Bills do not automagically get paid, ya’ll.)
When you’re your own boss, you’ve got to own your reality LIKE WHOA. You’ve got to get into the saddle + pony up (Daisy Dukes are optional, but encouraged. Oh, but cowboy boots are required. I love me some cowboy boots.)
Honestly, as a shy lil’ gal, I used to REALLY suck at handling my issues, especially if it involved a confrontation. I’ve never been big on tackling my ish head on. However, I am now older + wiser, and as a recovering people-pleaser, I’ve had to let go of a lot of my tried-and-true old survival tactics, and trade them in for new, shiny habits. No more quitting right when the going gets tough. No more disappearing acts when things don’t go the way I initially planned (oh yes. That used to happen, a lot more than I’d like to admit!).
Although it hasn’t been easy facing up to my fears, staring ’em square in the face, this whole responsibility thing sure has had its perks.
When you start getting COLOSSALLY responsible for YOURSELF + YOUR ACTIONS, you’ll notice it create little ripples + happy after effects in every area of your life. True story.
Just like bad habits breed bad habits, responsibility breeds more responsibility.
Take this story, for example: Before I pulled myself out of the darkness this week, I was being A SLUG. Seriously. There’s really no better word to describe the way I was slowly, painfully dragging myself through life. My scale can prove as testament: I gained 3 lbs. THREE. In three days. (Keep in mind I haven’t gained weight since about 2006 & just broke 100 lbs. for the first time with this weight gain + you’ll understand why this is so monumental!)
I decided it was okay to slack off on the treadmill (I mean, I have been religiously workin’ on my fitness for weeks – we all deserve a break, right?). I also simultaneously decided that I could throw some meat back in my diet AND eat that extra 100% beef frank.
All of these things were done in a vain attempt to make myself feel better about some stupid mistakes I made earlier this month. Instead of trying to either a) accept my mess-ups or b) correct them, I decided that eating copious amounts of food + throwing my workout to the wind in an attempt to coddle myself was the way to go.
Well. Three pounds + four missed workouts later, I could see that this plan of action was just not working.
I decided to own up to my crap + do something different.
(They always say insanity is doing the same thing over + over + expecting different results, amiright?)
So yesterday I decided to get back on the treadmill.
Which led to me having a delicious amount of energy.
Which led to me deciding to go to the store to buy veggies to make a simple salad for dinner.
Which led to zero-to-none post-dinner guilt.
Which has slightly lessened my depression about my mistakes.
And with my decision to take control of my health came something else:
A decision to be more responsible in my business.
Since ditching the couch for the treadmill, I’ve been making more decisions that are mutually beneficial to both my clients + myself. All that eating well + working out + showing up FOR MYSELF has happily spilled over into other areas of my life, without me even having to make a conscious decision.
So, a word to the wise:
If you’re struggling somewhere in your business, take charge of another area of your life first. Any area. In any way. Just for a minute.
Do something that helps you feel a little bit more in control.
A little bit more responsible, for your own well being.
If you’re feeling bad about yourself, depressed about your circumstances or just plain bored, don’t slow down.
Get up. Get active. Get moving.
Reorganize a sock drawer. Take your puppy outside. Water your flowers. Eat an apple. Turn off the TV, without the remote. Walk around the house for 5 minutes (or better yet–run up & down your stairs, if you have them). Decide to cook a meal from start-to-finish. Fold your laundry or put away your clean clothes. Just do something that engages your body. Anything.
I guarantee you’ll feel and perform better – in your life and your business.
by Erica | Oct 25, 2012 | Inspiration
There have been so many days I’ve tried to sit down to write +….nothing happens.
Well, nothing but a nagging voice telling me that I have no authority, no right to pump out whatever pearl of wisdom I’m about to pump out – to unveil whatever ache in me that needs to be set free.
A nagging voice that hisses, “You’re not really a writer. Real writers have published novels + Hollywood agents busting down their doors to turn their masterpieces into movies.”
A nagging voice tells me that because I’m not perfect + whole + entirely flawless + don’t know all the answers, I have no right to be creative. Self-expressive. A person worth listening to + learning from.
Yep. Because I’m not perfect.
WTF kind of bs is that?
(Pardon my French. Actually, don’t.)
And while it may sound outlandish, the nagging voice has hand-picked a bushel of ripe reasons why I’m not perfect, too.
I’m not perfect because everyday I usually do 1 thing I know isn’t good for me. (In my defense, sometimes what your soul really needs is a sickeningly fattening [yet succulently sweet] DQ vanilla milkshake or to vent your face off apologetically about your boss. Without guilt.)
I’m not perfect because everyday I ignore at least one red-flag that something in my life needs to change + shrug it off nonchalantly instead. (Sometimes denial is the safest place to be, at the moment.)
I’m not perfect because instead of telling someone – anyone! – I’m keeping about 9 gut-wrenching, heart-stirring, mascara-ruining secrets locked in my (heart-shaped) box. (Had to. I grew up in the 90s, k?)
And because I don’t know and/or use any word that’s more than 2 syllables. Like, ever.
So who the hell am I to share my truth with the world, huh?
[That was the fear talking, BTW/]
But does any of that really make me unworthy of being a writer?
Does any of that really mean I can’t teach you what I do know, the (often times, painful) lessons I learned while collecting those tear-inducing secrets + tucking them away?
Hell to the no.
Whenever we’re about to do something totally amazing, groundbreaking or status-quo-shaking – share that so-personal-only-your-tear-stained journal-knows-it story, release that painting which might as well have been made from brush strokes of your own flesh + blood because it took every ounce of your heart to create – fear (aka that nagging voice in our heads) kicks in.
Okay, fear ransacks the effing place.
It’s her job.
But does fear mean you should stop creating?
That you should give up, throw your hands in the air + say, “Eff it, let’s get appletinis instead!”
No way. (The appletinis will be waiting.)
I’m a staunch believer that you must persevere against fear.
That the only way to get over pain is to go through it, not away from it. I think you should create even when your heart is palpitating. I think you should make the call even when you’re sweating like a pig.
But what I don’t believe is that by diving into your fear, challenging it to a one-on-one, UFC-style smackdown, it’ll go away.
Even if you start creating regularly.
Nope.
Nerves are a part of the artistic process.
And the sooner you accept that, the better off you’ll be.
Ah, good ol’ acceptance.
That’s always the answer, isn’t it?
Doing something magnificent – something so outside the norm most people wouldn’t even dream about it, let alone act on it – will never be a piece of cake.
Ever.
[Psst. That’s why most people don’t!]
So, that’s how I continue to write in the face of my annoying, nagging, totally irrational fear. The knowledge + acceptance that there is absolutely NO WAY to beat fear for good is what gets me to sit cross-legged with the MacBook on my lap and soy frappucinno on my bedside table + just get real with myself, as counter intuitive as that may sound.
But wanna know what really gets me to hit the publish button, setting my fledgling little brain-bird out into the world to flappety-flap away its own?
It’s when I remember that my writing isn’t even about me, my fear, or my ego anymore.
It’s about you.
by Erica | Sep 21, 2012 | Inspiration
hey, you. yes, you. reading this.
do you know how people really see you?
the short answer for most of you is probably, “yes! of course! absolutely!” (or maybe more like, “duhhh, girlfriend!”)
but in reality…
the way you think others perceive you & the way people actually perceive you are very different beasts.
thanks to my minor addiction to all glossy magazines (especially psychology today), i know for a fact we all have blind spots, or minor little behavioral things we’re totally oblivious to.
but lezzbe real – we’ve all seen blind spots in our friends. like, we have that one who just doesn’t get that she keeps dating the same douchebag guy (in various uniforms & with expressedly different bad hairstyles) over + over again. (’cause she still can’t fathom why she’s consistently left at home on Friday night bawling her eyes out over Lifetime movies and heaping bowls of cookies n’ creme icecream when he conveniently “forgets” to call – again.) or how about that other friend who – without question – manages to turn every single conversation – from gardening to your Grandma’s funeral – into a way for her to gripe about her own life, own problems, own stuff, to the point where you start to wonder, “Um, is she even listening to me at all?” (And, “If I really have to give this bitch a ride home & listen to her talk about her cat’s undiagnosed stomach problems one more freakin’ time…”)
well, babe, let’s face it: i have a blind spot. and you have a blind spot, too.
(and given that most of us are too nice/polite/terrified of hurting one another’s feelings to ever actually point out said blind spot to the other person, we’ll probably go our entire lives never REALLY knowing that one thing that irks the ish out of the people around us. such is life.)
but what i’ve come to realize in the past few weeks is that, sometimes, our blind spots can be positive.
because when it comes to how we gauge ourselves…well, we’re not always spot-on.
it’s true! we think we know everything about ourselves, but when it comes right down to it, even though we spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week being us, well, there’s definitely a few key things we miss. and those things? they can be beautiful. and the things that totally freak us out about ourselves, that we try to hide with makeup and fake smiles? they’re often the things that don’t even make other people bat an eyelash.
case-in-point: a co-worker & i were having our regular Monday morning chat last week when somehow the discussion turned to me, and how i handle things differently than a mutual acquaintance we share. my co-worker looked over at me – dead freakin’ serious – and said, “well, you wouldn’t have done that because you’re not shy. she’s shy.”
aaaaand i’m pretty sure i stopped breathing for a second.
(for those of you late to the party, i was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder at the tender age of 13. so, y’know, 13 years ago.)
needless to say, i was floored.
“me? not shy?!” i thought. “wtf is this woman smoking? and srsly, if it’s that good…i wonder if she can hook me up…”
yep, me. not shy. the girl who hides in the bathroom stall if i hear someone else washing their hands at the sink, until i’m 100% sure they’ve blown their pretty little paws dry, reapplied their coral lipstick & i hear both the safe creak of the door opening, and then closing again. the girl who used to panic every time i had to make a phone call, so much so that i would write down EVERY WORD i was going to say on a piece of paper beforehand. (and practice saying it out loud. twice.)
the girl who changed her entire college major & tacked on an extra year of debt so she didn’t have to speak to strangers on a weekly basis.
COME ON, MAN.
but in the eyes of my absolutely adorable co-worker?
i’m happy. upbeat. friendly.
AND…NOT.
SHY.
so i urge you to take a second to really, truly think about my question, again.
do you know how people really see you?
and then, ponder this: what if the answer is that you only THINK you know how people see you, based on the way YOU think about yourself?
what if the ‘flaws’ you painstakingly believe are so totally blatant that there’s no way a normally functioning human being CAN’T notice them – nobody else has ever even thought about?
what if the oh-so-horrible fact that you have a slight stutter in your speech, or that you always get a zit the size of a plump grape front & center on your forehead 3 days before your period like clockwork…orrrr that you sometimes swear your heart is about to burst through your ribcage & ricochet out through your chest because you’re so absolutely terrified to tell the waiter your food order came out wrong – are all just things you know about yourself, and not things anybody else can see, let alone things they care about?
AND – to take it one step further – what if no two people on the planet will ever view you the exact same way anyway, so therefore the opinion of one person is totally irrelevant?
what if?
would it change anything?
would you act differently? smile a little wider when things made you deliriously happy?
shake your ass on the dance floor to Shakira without a hint of shame?
scream when things scared you, cried when things touched you deeply &
let out the loudest, sexiest moan your man has ever heard the next time he slipped his hot manly fingers between your thighs?
would it give you the freedom to bust out that sexy black mini-dress you delegated to the back of the closet until you lost 10 lbs. and sashay yourself into the fiercest, hippest nightclub in town?
would you be able to let go a little bit & state your wild-and-wonderful opinions a little louder, and a lot more unabashedly?
think about it.
because it’s all true, baby doll.
you’re a clean slate everyday.
the only thing that matters is how you see you.
(but odds are, other people think you’re pretty rad, too.)
oh? and your black mini-dress?
it’s still waiting.
by Erica | Aug 20, 2012 | Inspiration
I am afraid too. I am frightened all the time, but I do not let the fears determine my behavior. How I act and whether or not I am afraid are two separate things in my process. I think questions such as, is this doable, reasonable, and morally sound? What are the consequences going to be when I do this? I know I will make some people mad but can I actually achieve something positive? If I think I can be effective, I allow myself to feel afraid. The problem is when people act because they are afraid. These two things need to be separated. It is okay to feel uncomfortable. If you are going to create anything worthy, you are going to feel uncomfortable and other people are going to make you feel uncomfortable, and that has to be accepted as part of life. If you want to feel safe all the time, you will never be able to do anything.
-Sarah Schulman
by Erica | Aug 19, 2012 | Business Design
fact: if it wasn’t for my corporate job i wouldn’t be writing this.
it’s true: the very thing most of us sparkling entrepreneurial spirits are hustlin’ (everyday) to get away from is actually what has driven me back to my business, ready to rock n’ roll n’ make it rain with the best of ’em.
why, you ask? well, it’s actually quite scientific. true story: i have some pretty debilitating anxiety. + i’m not just a normal “worry wart” – i’m talking the real deal. that said, my anxiety was at its peak right before landing said corporate job. + the way i was living then – as in, spending day after day at home, clutching to my macbook for dear life because not only was it my only connection to many of my closest friends who are now sprinkled across the states, but also because it was also the only way i could possibly make money – was not exactly good for the self esteem. at that time, i couldn’t have possibly felt that i was “good” or “smart” or “knowledgeable” enough to write for you.
for the few months before i waltzed (okay, okay, more like cowered-and-tried-to-avoid-eye-contact) into my new office, i felt a lot like a little flippety-floppity fish out of water, floundering around without a clue as to what i really wanted from my life, let alone my business.
but in a strange, weird little way, 40-hours a week in a cubicle has given me the (tiny bit of) stability and motivation i needed to pursue my other creative dreams.
yep – i wholeheartedly believe that without the snazzy corporate gig, i’d still be crying into my lap every evening, questioning my every move + cursing every time a bill came through the door (and subsequently, yelling obscenities in the direction of my unassuming boyfriend.) i spent months clutching to my freelancedom – the glitz! the glamour! the working-in-my-underwear! – even though i was clearly unhappy spending everyday holed up in the house & barely making ends meet.
so, yes… the. corporate. job. has. saved. me.
and the logic behind it is actually quite simple.
say hello to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, kids.
according to Maslow’s (very famous) hierarchy, the lowest tier includes physiological needs like food, water, sex sleep and, y’know, the ability to take a good ole’ #2 when need be – and it’s only after one tier of needs is met that we can move on to securing the next tier.
below, you’ll see that not knowing where your next meal is coming from and not having a secure place of employment, are detriments to higher-level needs like creativity and self actualization.
big takeaway here:
you can’t be wild without first being safe, y’all.
so. that corporate gig? it’s been good for three reasons:
one- everybody’s gotta eat. and let’s just say, when you’re spending 50 hours or so a week perusing even the lowest paying “content creation” sites to earn even $5…which we all sadly know will only go toward your next latte…which will only continue to fuel you to comb through the droves of low-paying clients…well, that whole creativity thing? fuhgeddaboutit!
real talk: knowing that i can enjoy my simple dinner/snack of hummus & pita without regrets? so freakin’ important.
two – my job is actually related to what i want to do! i’m a copywriter at work + a copywriter at home. but despite the same name, i’ve learned an in-house corporate copywriter is a teensy bit different than a freelance, out-of-house copywriter, in about as many ways as you could possible imagine (most of which involve having to adhere to someone else’s rules all day long. like, you know, wearing pants.) but i’m also learning crazy amounts about what it means to be a corporate-style “copywriter” – and even more about how this particular corp. gets ish done.
and let’s be real. corporations do get ish done.
three – i’ve been lucky enough to forge some really fascinating friendships – with the other freelancers. i didn’t consciously seek out the wild wonders, but apparently birds of a freelance feather flock together – even in the cubical-happy corporate world! just from hanging out with more of my “own kind” on the reg – despite, or maybe due to the stuffy corporate setting – i’ve learned oodles about how other freelancers work. aaaand i’ve also booked myself a pro bono headshot photo shoot. (c’mon. there’s really only so much instagram can do for a girl’s face, ya dig?)
but it’s not just the free photo shoots and super delicious breakfast-which-turns-into-salad bar.
ironically enough, the stability my corporate job has provided me has enabled me to explore the creative(r), wild(er) parts of me elsewhere. like here. and in other freelance projects.
and i know, i know: “loving” a 9-5 or appreciating it in the interim before your creative biz really takes off is totes taboo.
but i want you to know…
+ if you want to sit inside a cubicle for 8 hours a day to get your financial ducks in a row – you have every right
+ if you can’t fathom a day without health insurance bennies – you’re not alone
+ if you’re just the kind of person who needs some sort of stability to feel “okay” and “safe” – it’s just science, baby!
as for me – my time in the corporate world is limited.
this is only a temporary gig. a few months down the line and i’ll be back to full-on freelance machine, plugging away from her laptop in bed and most likely in hello kitty underwear, bowl of cereal on the bedside table. except now i’ll have quite a few novel ideas about how to land + keep clients, some sexy new, instagram-free head shots + a few extra (absolutely wild + fun) contacts in my (for the moment, imaginary) rolodex.
but to anybody who feels weird or icky or like they’re “selling out” for actually being quite in lust with your cushy little 9-5, to that i say:
we’re all different, and what works for you doesn’t have to work for anybody else.
no. seriously. write that down or something.
what works for you doesn’t have to work for anybody else.
and you will get there – whether ‘there’ is the sexy corner office or your own location-free creative business that enables you to chuck over half your earnings to charity – in your own time.
and you’ll get there in your own way.
…with or without pants.
copywriter for lady rebelles, trendy tastemakers + spiritual sellers.
